Hello there, I'd like to welcome you to my movie critique section that I like to call:
POPCORN WITH "POP" KAHN
Pretty ingenius, huh, I made that up myself, I'm Herb Kahn. I've been around movies my whole life.
My reviews and insights have appeared in numerous publications all over the world, and now the editor of this wonderful little news outlet has hired me. Smart move.
The Academy Award nominations were announced this week, so we have a lot to discuss.
Do you realize that they now nominate 10 movies for Best Picture?
10
Have they lost their minds? We could barely scrape together 5 worthy films in past years, and now they want to nominate 10. I don't get this business. The show is going to last 12 hours now. They'll just telecast throughout the night and announce the winner of Best Picture live on the morning news.
Maybe Matt Lauer will present it.
Movies are supposed to entertain, are they not? I want to lose myself for 2 hours and forget my rotten life. Are you with me? Some of the choices in year's past have boggled my mind, but now, I'm at a loss.
Let's take a look at the nominees shall we-
UP- An animated movie for Best Picture? What gives? Didn't they create a category for animated movies so this wouldn't happen? They have no clue what they're doing over there do they.
The plot of this movie is much like my own life. Man is married, has dreams of an exotic vacation in a South American paradise that never happens, wife dies, man decides to use helium balloons to transport house to said paradise. My life. Except replace helium balloons with heroin and you have my life. And my wife isn't dead. Yet.
PRECIOUS- Do you think that I'm about to plunk down 10 or more bucks to watch a girl get molested by her own father? Twice! Didn't I just say I wanted to be entertained? I can watch the six o'clock news and get my fill of despicable stuff like that. My life is depressing enough, thanks anyway.
UP IN THE AIR- UP? UP IN THE AIR? Huh? What? Is this that same animated movie? Don't worry, I'm confused too. They have no idea in Hollywood what the hell they're doing.
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS- Is that even a word, inglourious? I'm fairly sure that basterds is spelled wrong also. Whatever, artistic license I guess. Let Tarantino do whatever he wants, he looks about 30 seconds away from opening fire on the entire room. He makes me nervous. As far as the movie- Brad Pitt doing some crazy accent, scalping nazis. If anyone has it coming it's those damn nazis. I'm not much for gore, so this kind of stuff I can do without.
Just don't tell Tarantino what I said, if anything tell him that I said it should win Best Picture.
AN EDUCATION- Here is a perfect example of how the Academy of Motion Pictures thinks they're so much more sophisticated than you and I. Where was this movie playing? Did you see it? Hear about it? Know anyone who has? I know I don't. How can we decide what the best movie is when we can't watch some of them?
Alright, half way home. Do you believe they nominated
10?
AVATAR- Isn't this another animated movie? Whatever. Gee, what an original plot. I liked it better when it was called, 'Pocohantas' or 'Dancing With Wolves' or ten million other movies with the same beat you over the head message. 'I have more in common with my so-called enemy than I do with my own people.' Groundbreaking stuff there Cameron.
(By the way enough of this 3D crap, my glasses are goofy enough, I don't need your cheap goggles on top of mine. I want to be comfortable for Christ sakes, I am paying money for this.)
THE BLIND SIDE- Sandra Bullock all tarted up, putting on some southern sass. I'm in. Feel good true life story, sounds like a winner to me. I like Sandra Bullock. I once bumped into her at a restaurant in Santa Monica, and she had me forcibly removed. But that's neither here nor there. A misunderstanding really. I don't hold a grudge, lovely woman. Lovely, lovely woman. She smells like vanilla up close.
DISTRICT NINE- Low budget sci fi movie made in South Africa with no recognizable actors. Is this movie getting nominated in a year when they're picking 5 movies? Of course not. The producers of this movie are counting their lucky stars that this wasn't released the year before. Good for them. I'm pulling for them, but they don't have a prayer.
A SERIOUS MAN- Another movie that was no where to be found. Surprising because it was made by the Coen brothers. Too similar in name to A Single Man, and to be honest I don't know which is which. One is about a man who, oh what the heck, who am I kidding, I haven't seen either and neither have you. I'm not going to try and B S you. Let's move on, this isn't winning anything.
THE HURT LOCKER- This sounds like where I change after my weekly pick-up basketball game at the local YMCA. I hope it smells better than my locker.
This is a war movie. Serious stuff. Defusing bombs during the war in Iraq. Spine tingling stuff. It's between this and Avatar and I predict this will win. I'm usually right about this stuff, ask my wife. She hates my guts.
Like I said, I like to be entertained. These are my favorite movies of
2009:
I LOVE YOU, MAN ( if you can make Lou Ferrigno funny, then you're doing something right)
THE HANGOVER (if you can make Mike Tyson funny, then you're really doing something right)
SHERLOCK HOLMES (A little too much fancy camera work, but entertaining nonetheless)
ZOMBIELAND (slightly scary, but very funny)
BLACK DYNAMITE (you can't go wrong with a spoof of Blaxploitation movies,well, at least I can't anyway)
THE BLIND SIDE (I'm partial to Ms Bullock as I've explained, I may have even shed a tear or two)
WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE (that's right a geezer like me likes a kid's movie, so what)
Alright, that's all Pops has for you at the moment. Keep watching and renting and we'll catch up soon.
