Luis Rodriguez returned to his humble apartment last night after a long, hard day at the busy Fix-it Shop on Sesame Street. He climbed into bed and as he reached over to hug Maria, his wife of many years, he felt something uncomfortable against his bare legs and feet. When he pulled down the covers, he recoiled in horror, as his worst fear was realized. The entire bottom of the bed was covered in cookie crumbs and blue hair. He at once knew that his marriage was over.
"I would have expected this from the Count von Count, or possibly one of the weekly guest stars, like John Leguizamo or David Beckham, but never, ever, would I expect this from Cookie Monster. I thought we were friends," said a despondent Luis.
Maria Rodriguez, it appears, had been carrying on an affair with Cookie Monster for quite some time, and was finally forced to come out in the open about the relationship after her husband's discovery.
None of the other residents of Sesame Street seemed to suspect anything, but are now starting to put some of the clues and coincidences together.
"Now that I think about it, her fingers always smelled like cookies. I never saw her eating or making cookies, but now I guess it all makes sense," said Ernie.
"One time when we were rehearsing our scene for the letter G, I noticed that she had something stuck in her teeth that I thought was spinach. Spinach is green, not blue, I should have put two and two together, which is the number four," said Grover.
"I don't know what she sees in him. Truthfully, he is really gross," said Prarie Dawn," he's fat, hairy, and basically as dumb as a rock. Personally, I don't get it. Luis is soooo much better. I've often dreamt of taking a Latin lover. His hot breath on my neck. His strong hands all over me. His, his, please excuse me, I have to close my door now."
Cookie Monster doesn't seem to be fazed at all by the sudden scandal, and as far as he's concerned, his daily routine will remain unchanged.
"Me like sex with Maria. Maria like sex with me. Me not know what problem is. Ommm num num num, ommm num num num," said Cookie Monster as he shoved a plate full of cookies into his mouth, none of which seemed to actually stay in his mouth, but instead went all over the counters and floor.
Sesame Street is no stranger to controversy and has seen its share over the last four decades. The garbage strike of the early 1970's instigated by Oscar the Grouch. The "camping trip" taken by Bob McGrath and three teenage boys in the summer of 81. The kickback scheme and blatant product placement for "special favors" by Mr. Hooper in his general store. The alleged homosexual relationship between Bert and Ernie by numerous Evangelical ministers, which has never been substantiated.
"Slander I tell you! Slander! Can't two male puppets live together and share a bed without everyone jumping to conclusions!" said an outraged Bert as he ran the water for a bubble bath for himself and Ernie.
The break up of Luis and Maria, one of tv's most venerable couples, has cast a dark cloud over the usually bright and sunny street, but like most things in the world of entertainment, the show must go on. DD
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