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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

New Met Gary Sheffield Has Altercation With Carlos Beltran's Mole

Trouble seems to follow major league baseball player Gary Sheffield around like a dark cloud. The 40 year old slugger, who has played for numerous teams in his long career, has yet another altercation to add to a growing list.
Sheffield, who claims to be very happy as a role player for the New York Mets, said this latest incident is not his fault.
"Listen, I may have had my share of troubles in this league over the years, but in this case I am totally innocent. I let a lot of things roll off my back, especially now that I'm 40, but some things I just can't let slide. I'm a bona fide Hall of Famer, I'm not gonna let some birth mark tell me how to swing the bat and play the outfield. I refuse to be bullied and badgered by a mole on someone's face, no matter how big and ugly it is," said Sheffield.
The problem seems to have started almost immediately upon the arrival of Sheffield to the team. The mole, which is next to Beltran's right ear, seemed to take an instant dislike to the veteran slugger.
"I did nothing wrong, except maybe I stared at it a little too often. I guess I've never seen one that big up close before. Maybe it took offense to my staring and dry heaving. I don't know. This thing hated me from the moment I arrived in the clubhouse. It caused me to miss a routine fly ball in left field the other night, and then made fun of me later for it. That's bush league right there! I won't tolerate that!"
Beltran seems to be unaware of the growing animosity between his mole and Sheffield, and when questioned just smiled and said that it has nothing to do with him and he chooses to stay out of the fray.
Asked why no one else has had any problems with Beltran or his mole before, Sheffield shrugged and cited possible racism.
"Let's get one thing understood, I love Carlos Beltran. He is one of the nicest guys I have ever met. I have no problem with him whatsoever. But that mole is pure evil man, I'm telling you. It calls itself 'El Capitan' and controls Carlos's actions without him even knowing it. Why do you think he didn't swing at that pitch in game 7 against the Cardinals in the 2006 NLCS? Why do you think he doesn't slide lately? It's that damn 'El Capitan'!"
Sheffield seems to be deeply angered by the mole and there is growing concern on the team that something physical is bound to happen between the two.
"I'm happy here. My time in the league is short, and I want to end it with the Mets, but if that nasty mother keeps messin' with me, I'll bite that raisinette lookin' sucker right off and spit it in the toilet." DD