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Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Public Service Announcement: By V P Joe Biden

Hello there my fellow Americans, Vice President Joe Biden here.
Today is May 5th, a perfect day to further express my views that were first espoused on the Today Show with Matt Lauer.
May 5th, or as our neighbors to the south say it, cinco de mayo, is a fitting day to discuss the terrible disease these generous neighbors have presented us with, Swine Flu.
When Matt Lauer asked me if I would tell members of my family not to use commercial airlines, I answered honestly, something I thought the American public would appreciate.
Apparently not. I guess you want me to tip toe around the issue, but I'm not going to do it.
As a matter of fact I'm going to let you all know how I really feel, public opinion polls be damned.
Stay away from all closed "container like" forms of transportation. Airplanes, subways, anything of that nature as I previously mentioned. I wouldn't even get in my own car at this point.
Do not use ATM vestibules, you might as well pick out your coffin now if you go into one of those death traps.
Keep out of anyplace that sells Mexican food or any place, for that matter, where Mexicans might congregate. Good luck to you poor bastards in states that border Mexico. Its been nice knowing you.
Avoid anyone with a Spanish accent, they could be Mexican. Better yet avoid anyone with any form of accent that doesn't sound American. If you don't you'll be bleeding from every orifice on your body within hours. Trust me, I've seen it.
Lock yourselves in your homes, secure the premises, barricade the doors and windows, load your firearms. If anyone attempts to enter your premises, give them a warning shot and then start firing!
Now, listen, it is not my intention to cause a wide spread panic, I'm just trying to look out for my own, of which I consider all Americans. I want us all to be safe and healthy.
That being said I'm warning anyone who coughs or sneezes within 10 feet of me I will be carrying a sidearm, and I'm a damn good shot.
Final words: Avoid everyone and everything and you might manage to stay alive.
Be safe. Be smart. Be careful.
Good Luck and God Speed!!

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