THE VATICAN FORGIVES THE BEATLES AFTER 40 YEARS

The Vatican forgives the Beatles. After 40 years the Catholic church finally says it's ok to listen to the music of the Beatles. The official newspaper of the Vatican, L'Osservatore Romano, had this to say, "Their beautiful melodies, which changed forever pop music and still give us emotions, live on like precious jewels."

The Catholic church took exception to remarks John Lennon made at the height of the band's fame, claiming they were "bigger than Jesus" and "Christianity will go," Lennon told London's Evening Standard. "It will vanish and shrink ... Jesus was all right but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It's them twisting it that ruins it for me."

Rest well dear John, the church finally forgives you.

In light of recent scandals which have plagued the Catholic church, it is a head scratching move to discuss the Beatles who have been broken up for 40 years and have only 2 of the remaining Fab Four still alive.

"I didn't know they were harboring a grudge," said Paul McCartney with a wink, "I guess I'll finally be able to sleep tonight."

The Vatican newspaper goes on to say that the Beatles were initially dropped from favor by the church because of their "dissolute lifestyle and use of drugs" along with the enflammatory comments made by Lennon and their supposed satanic lyrics.

Ringo Starr was far less diplomatic is his assessment of the Vatican's new found forgiveness:

"You've got to be kidding me? An organization of kid touchers is going to forgive us? Is that what I'm hearing? Is that correct? I'll take a bloody pass on their forgiveness. I'm fairly sure they have bigger concerns than worrying about us.  I'm glad that I don't need to sell any more records at this point of my life, because the seal of approval from those perverts would surely doom our sales. John was right, he went easy on them. They don't want to hear what I have to say about them, that's for damn sure. Preaching forgiveness and tolerance, yet they condemned us immediately and took 40 years to come around. Sounds like the blokes that killed Christ, not the ones who are supposed to be spreading his bloody word. Don't get me started alright!  What's next on their agenda? Are they going to forgive Marilyn Monroe for sex out of wedlock?  Tell  those poofs to mind their own store and not worry about the rest of us. Now piss off!"

And he's the happy Beatle.
We can safely assume Mr. Starr will not be attending Sunday mass any time soon.   DD