RANDY QUAID AND WIFE ARRESTED AS SQUATTERS

Montecito, Ca-  Actor Randy Quaid and his wife Evi were arrested this week as trespassers in a home that they no longer own. Allegedly, the Quaids caused thousands of dollars worth of damage to the Montecito, California home, breaking expensive mirrors and replacing them with pictures of themselves. According to court documents, the Quaids sold their former home to a movie studio exec named Bruce Berman, back in 1991.
Why, almost 20 years later, the Quaids suddenly believe this home to be magically back in their ownership is anyone's guess.
It does, however, follow a bizarre pattern the couple has undertaken in the past decade or so:

2000- Randy Quaid stormed behind the counter of a local pizzeria in Santa Barbara demanding free spaghetti and meatballs, claiming that he sold the owner of the restaurant ten dozen tomatoes grown on his property that he was never compensated for.
"This goddamn sketty sauce was made with my goddamn pa-matoes, and me and the missus are sure as hell gonna have some!" screamed Quaid to a basically empty restaurant, "my goddamn pa-matoes. Did you hear me? If you stiff a Quaid you'd better expect to pay the piper."
The owner of the restaurant, Luigi Pantangelo, tried to placate the outraged Quaid by giving him a free pot of spaghetti and meatballs to make him go away.
"I dunno who a this nutjob is, and I a don't care. I want him outta my pizzeria. Bad for business to have a nutjob like a this screaming. I buy a my tomatoes from a da same company I buy all a my produce. Why I'm gonna buy a tomatoes from some nutjob? From a his backyard? Getta the hell outta my store."

2003- While shopping in Beverly Hills, the Quaids came across a miniature collie tied to a parking meter outside of a clothing store. Evi Quaid untied the leash and the couple walked with the dog while they continued their window shopping. The frantic owner came out of the store and chased the Quaids down the street. The dog's owner, Roz Silverstein, confronted the Quaids and demanded her dog back.
Randy Quaid told Silverstein to "get bent" and refused to return the animal.
"Where I come from, whatever you put at the curb is considered unwanted by the person that put it there. If we put an old chair at the curb, have at it. If we put an unwanted rug at the curb, enjoy it. Do you see what I'm saying? Same theory applies here, as far as I'm concerned. You put a nice little poochie at the curb, someone's gonna take it. And  guess what? We did. Evi wanted it, so, that as they say, is that," said Quaid to the crowd that had gathered around. Beverly Hills police arrived and immediately made the Quaids return the dog to Silverstein. A publicist for Quaid released a brief statement saying the incident was just a minor misunderstanding.

2005-  Quaid accosts an 11 yr old boy riding a red Schwinn bicycle down Bear Valley Pkwy in Escondido, Ca. Quaid determines that this is the same bicycle that was stolen from him 40 years prior. The fact that Quaid grew up in Houston, Texas and this was Escondido, Ca, did not seem to faze the actor, nor did the fact that this was a new bike, obviously not 40 years old.
"You can try and change things, hell, you can replace every single part on the bike, which is obviously what they did, but I know what I know. I'd know that ol' Sting-Ray from a mile away, I loved that goddamn bike. You can't fool a Quaid. We're reunited and it feels so good."
The bike was, in fact, a Sting Ray, which had been discontinued for more than 30 years, and had just returned to the market in 2004.  The style of the bike was totally updated from that of its predecessor, but Quaid was undeterred in his belief that this was his old bike. He pushed the young boy to the ground and hopped onto the 20" juvenile bike, whose frame immediately bent under the weight of the 260 lb Quaid.
"They ruined my old Sting-Ray! Ruined her! They changed everything! Why? Why? Why?" sobbed Quaid.
Quaid settled out of court on an undisclosed amount with the family of the young boy.

The list of incidents goes on and on, and are much too numerous to list here.

In a day and age when people such as Joaquin Phoenix are pretending to have lost their minds and are trying to dupe an unsuspecting audience, it is refreshing to see the antics of a celebrity who actually is crazy. There are no cameras following around Randy Quaid to document these acts of insanity, and for that we can only say, 'Thank You'.  Keep making us smile big fella.

DD (Betty Diddit reporting)