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Friday, March 13, 2009

Man Gets Violently Sick After Eating Undercooked Ostrich Burger At County Fair

A usually conservative man decided to do something out of character during a recent trip to a county fair when friends dared him to eat a burger made from ostrich meat. After several bites of the "burger", Greg Weiss lost control of all his bodily functions and suffered partial paralysis of his facial muscles.
Greg Weiss, before and after the ostrich burger

"I believe the meat had been left out a little too long, possibly all night, and apparently was served completely uncooked," said Lucinda Boatswain, a worker at the booth selling the ostrich burgers, "I don't know how it happened, but it happened. What's done is done. This isn't a four star French restaurant for Christ's sake, it's a grill under a tarp. Stuff like this happens from time to time at a county fair. I thought that was understood. Tell him to grow up and be a man. I won't give him his money back, but I might see clear to give him a free fried pickle."
Weiss, who has been under a lot of stress at work in recent months, wanted to do "something different" and was encouraged by friends to join them for a day of care free frivolity at a local fair. He took a ride on the Tilt-A-Whirl, sang a karaoke version of "YMCA", and even joined in on a round of square dancing, all on dares from his friends.
"Greg usually frowns on places like this, but he actually seemed to be having a good time. Everything was going so well until that damn ostrich burger. I was shocked that he agreed to eat it. He had two, maybe three bites of it and bam that was it," said Don Cooper.
A day that began so well, with Weiss letting his guard down and trying new things, ended with him in diapers and a bib, cross-eyed and drooling.
"I suppose that's the last time he'll try ostrich meat, which I guess is a shame. They say it's much lower in fat than beef and when prepared properly is supposed to taste pretty good. Ok, if you say so, but I'll be damned if I'd try one at some rinky dink county fair," said Cooper,"there are certain things you eat at these places. Funnel Cake, absolutely. Sausage & Peppers, of course. Philly Cheese Steak, probably. Sushi, hell no. And now we know the answer to ostrich meat. Greg learned a valuable lesson today, and maybe in a couple of months if he recovers the power of speech he'll admit as much. Reckless fool." DD

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