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Tuesday, June 2, 2009



Paul- Hello faithful readers, Charles and I have been on an extended vacation, but we flew back just in time to cover the NBA Finals.

Charles- Oh Oh, I'm so glad to be back on American soil. I kissed the ground the minute I stepped off that lousy plane.

Paul- That was a little more than ground that you were kissing there big fella. You know it's customary to give a monetary tip to a man who carries your luggage, I think you went a little overboard there Casanova.

Charles- I didn't have anything smaller than a five, don'tcha know, oh,oh. Besides, money is quickly spent, I gave that man a memory he won't ever forget.

Paul- Yeah, and he'll have the doctor's bills to prove it.

Charles- Meeoww, can I get a saucer of milk for my friend over here. Must you be so vile with your salty little comments?

Paul- Alright, alright, take it easy there Chuck, I'm just pullin' your chain.

Charles- Too late!! Har Har, Oh, Oh.

Paul- Let's get to some basketball, shall we?

Charles- Of course, we are sports reporters after all. I'll tell you Paul, I'm so excited, I can't wait to watch LeBron James in action, that ebony prince is pure poetry in motion. I could watch his moves for hours upon hours, in slow motion, with the lights turned off and surrounded by hundreds of candles.

Paul- Sorry there big fella, but the Cavs lost to the Magic in the last round while you were traipsing all over Paris. Your ebony prince will be watching the Finals from home, same as us.

(cricket, cricket)

Paul- Hello there big fella, did you hear what I just said ?

Charles- Yes. I heard.

Paul- That's it? That's your response? Yes, I heard. Don't be such a drama queen now Chuck, our fans are eagerly awaiting our predictions you know.

Charles- I don't have any predictions.

Paul- Stop! I refuse to continue this article unless you snap out of your prissy little funk.

Charles- Fine.

Paul- Ok then, we have the Los Angeles Lakers with Kobe Bryant against the Orlando Magic with Dwight Howard. You're gonna like this Chuck. Do you know what Kobe's nickname is?

Charles- Unconvicted Rapist?

Paul- Now, we're getting close to some of that acidic Charles Nelson Reilly wit that we know and love.

Charles- Oh, oh, you're right Paul, I am feeling better, please forgive me. All it takes is one snide comment to make me feel better. Besides, LeBron is young, very young, dontcha know, he's barely legal, which is one of my favorite things about him. We still have all his commercials to look forward to, oh, oh.

Paul- What's your prediction for the series there Chuckles?

Charles- Well, if I must, I'll have to pick Orlando in eight.

Paul- Orlando in eight?

Charles- That's right. What's wrong with that?

Paul- You do realize that I'm talking about the city in Florida and not Tony Orlando, right Chuck?

Charles- If I thought you were referring to Tony Orlando I would have said 5 1/2, dontcha know.

Paul- So you're sticking with Orlando in eight?

Charles- Correct.

Paul- How can you make such a ridiculous prediction and expect our readers to take us seriously?

Charles- Don't you take a condescending tone with me sister or I'll walk out of here just like I did on Match Game, when Brett Sommers farted the National Anthem during a taping.

Paul- Oh, please, enough with the Brett Sommers story, I've heard it a million times. Try sitting in the center square next to Wayland Flowers and Madame. He was doing things with that puppet that would have offended the Marquis de Sade.
So save your Brett Sommers stories for someone else.

Charles- Oh, Oh, I'm the last person you want to get into a pissing contest with, as proven by our night in that Hamburg hotel room, so just give us your prediction already.

Paul- Lakers in three, alright there big fella. That's more of a realistic pick, and one that our readers have come to expect from us.

Charles- Whatever. My heart's not in it this year anyway. There's always next year LeBron.

Paul- Anyway, the game will be on any minute and I must get into my game time kimono. I hope you enjoy watching those large, sweaty men bang into each other as much as we do, and we'll talk to you before the next ball drops.

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