MASSACHUSETTS- THE BODY OF SEN. EDWARD (TED) KENNEDY HAS BEEN PICKLED IN AN EIGHT FOOT CUSTOM MADE BOTTLE OF GORDON'S GIN AS PER HIS LAST WILL & TESTAMENT
CALIFORNIA- GOV. SCHWARZENEGGER CALLS RESIDENTS OF AREA OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA DEVASTATED BY WILDFIRES WIMPS, SAYING IT'S NOTHING COMPARED TO DAMAGE CAUSED DURING FILMING OF RED HEAT
MINNESOTA- BRETT FAVRE DECIDING TO ENTER POLITICS WHEN HIS FOOTBALL CAREER IS OVER, OR MAYBE NOT
NEW HAMPSHIRE- THE LEGALIZATION OF GAY MARRIAGES IN ADJOINING STATE OF VERMONT HAS NEW HAMPSHIRE REQUESTING "HOMO" SEAT BUFFER BETWEEN THE 2 STATES
NEW YORK- METS PLAYER DAVID WRIGHT RETURNS TO ACTION AFTER 2 WEEKS ON DL WITH CONCUSSION, WEARS SPECIAL SAFETY HELMET DESIGNED BY FRED FLINTSTONE PROTEGE THE GREAT GAZOO
FLORIDA- RAPPER Flo Rida DECIDES TO END LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WITH PROMISCUOUS EX-GIRLFRIEND AND FELLOW RAPPER, I Da HO
WASHINGTON DC- PRES. OBAMA ANGRY UPON RETURN TO WHITE HOUSE AFTER VACATIONING IN MARTHA'S VINEYARD TO FIND THAT MICHELLE LEFT SEVERAL LIGHTS ON AND THE GIRLS FORGOT TO EMPTY KITCHEN GARBAGE, LEAVING HOUSE INFESTED WITH FRUIT FLIES
PENNSYLVANIA- EAGLES QUARTERBACK DONOVAN MCNABB SUDDENLY REALIZES BEGGING OWNERSHIP TO SIGN MICHAEL VICK NOT SUCH A GOOD IDEA, SINCE VICK PLAYS SAME POSITION AND WILL PROBABLY TAKE HIS JOB
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