Thursday, September 24, 2009
LIBYAN LEADER MOAMMAR GADHAFI PRACTICES STAND UP ROUTINE AT UN GENERAL ASSEMBLY
United Nations(NY)- Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi grabbed his manila folder full of material and slowly strolled to the podium,a smirk on his face and a twinkle in his eye. The self proclaimed "king of kings" adjusted the microphone, straightened out the various wraps adorning his body, and proceeded to speak for 96 continuous minutes in a mystifying stream of consciousness.
He began speaking to a full house and 1 hour 36 minutes later his audience consisted of delegates from French Guyana, The Ivory Coast, Bora Bora and 3 cleaning people.
Most members of the General Assembly gave up 15 minutes into Gaddafi's speech.
Gadhaffi, whose name has a different spelling each time it appears, touched on a wide variety of topics, never quite forming complete rational thoughts.
Here are some excerpts from Mummar Quaddafi's mind-bending speech:
13 minutes: "I want to tell you that I still despise Ronald Reagan. He was a terrible leader and a coward of a man, and yet I find all of his old movies completely charming. I have watched them all, hundreds of times. I am torn between my hatred for this man, and my love of his interplay with Bonzo the monkey. I miss him. In another century, under different circumstances, we would have been best friends. Inseperable buddies. Or we would have brutally killed each other. One way or the other, it would have been glorious. Is anyone hungry?
Can I have a falaffel extra yogurt sauce and a fresca with no ice ...."
39 minutes: "If you were stranded in the desert with a goat, a sheep, and a chicken, which one would you have sex with? Why choose just one! True story. Hey, Hey, Yemen, don't you judge me! I see the look that you just gave Senegal. And you too Botswana, I'm sure you have a skeleton or two in your closet...."
53 minutes: "I have ugly feet look at them. No, don't! Look away, they're hideous! They're so hairy and my toenails are all black and uneven. I'm embarrassed of them, yet I wear sandals constantly. I can't help it, they really go with any style of robe, or several layers of robes, and any type of hat, whether it's a kuffi, turban or what have you. I didn't always feel this way, but I do now.
Wake up are you listening to me? I know most of you have jet lag, but this is very rude...."
74 minutes: "The oceans are the future, we must take to them and start breeding humans with gills so that we can evolve and prosper. There is so much more room in the sea, why can't anyone see this besides me. We have gone as far as we can go on the land. We need to start this tonight. Who's with me?...."
88 minutes: "Is anyone else sick of this Megan Fox yet? She's hot and sexy, no doubt about that, but she's crazier than a shit house rat. What's with all the weird tattoos? Has the world run out of beautiful, sexy women that we need to put her picture on the cover of every magazine? Is it me? Am I alone in this? Can I see a show of hands if you're with me? Helllloooo is this thing on?...."
Quaddafy mercifully ended his rambling speech at 96 minutes, as some speculated that he was going to try and break Fidel Castro's record from the 1960's of over 4 hours.
The Libyan leader enjoyed his time in New York on the big stage so much that he just booked a 3 night stint at Caroline's Comedy Club.
It is unclear how audiences will react to him, but it is safe to say that he'll probably get a better reception than Tom Arnold, and will surely be funnier. DD