A HOLIDAY MESSAGE FROM SANTA CLAUS

HERE WE ARE AGAIN, ONE WEEK AWAY FROM CHRISTMAS. EVERYONE IS TRIMMING THEIR TREES AND GETTING IN THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT. I CANNOT BELIEVE IT, WHERE DID THE TIME GO? YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERING WHAT OL' SANTA HAS BEEN UP TO SINCE LAST CHRISTMAS.
I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU, BUT TRUTHFULLY........ IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!
WHAT? WHAT DID SANTA JUST SAY? THAT'S RIGHT I'M IN A FOUL MOOD THIS YEAR.
PEOPLE ARE MISERABLE, THE ECONOMY IS STILL IN DIRE STRAIGHTS, AND MY WIFE IS FAT, I MEAN REALLY FAT.
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, BECAUSE HER MOM WAS A VERY, VERY LARGE WOMAN.
NOW I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, WHO THE HECK IS HE TO CALL ANYONE ELSE FAT. WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT, I AM FAT, BUT GUESS WHAT, I'M FREAKIN' SANTA CLAUS!! I'M SUPPOSED TO BE FAT, THAT'S MY THING, IT'S WHAT THE JOB CALLS FOR, AND BY THE WAY, I WAS FAT WHEN I MET HER. SHE WASN'T. FAR FROM IT AS A MATTER OF FACT. SHE WAS LEAN AND TRIM. THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING.
WHATEVER, LET'S MOVE ON.

YOU MAY BE A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED THIS YEAR IN WHAT YOU FIND UNDER YOUR TREE. WE'VE ALSO FELT THE FINANCIAL STING OF A DOWN ECONOMY AND BEEN FORCED TO "TIGHTEN OUR BELTS" AND CUT CORNERS.

THE Wii FIT THAT YOU ASKED FOR IS BEING REPLACED WITH A JUMP ROPE. YOU WANT AN INTERACTIVE GAME, WELL HERE YOU GO. START JUMPING.

THE iPOD YOU'RE EXPECTING WILL NOT BE APPEARING IN YOUR STOCKING THIS YEAR, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WILL? A PLASTIC KAZOO AND A TAMBOURINE.
GO TO TOWN. MAKE AS MUCH MUSIC AS YOU WANT.

DON'T LOOK TOO HARD FOR THAT KINDLE UNDER THE TREE, BECAUSE YOU MAY NOT FIND IT. BUT I HAVE A FEELING YOU'LL COME ACROSS YOUR OLD LIBRARY CARD THAT I HAD RE-LAMINATED AND WRAPPED UP SPECIAL FOR YOU. READ AS MUCH AS YOU WANT!! WHEREVER AND WHENEVER YOU WANT!!

THE KIDS MIGHT BE SLIGHTLY CONFUSED WITH THEIR PRESENTS CHRISTMAS MORNING AS WELL.
WE DECORATED A BUNCH OF OLD SOCKS WITH FACES AND MADE SOME DARN TERRIFIC HAND PUPPETS FOR THEM! (SOME OF THE SOCKS EVEN GOT WASHED AFTER WE USED THEM.)
WE ALSO MADE REALLY CUTE CATERPILLARS OUT OF EGG CARTONS AND PIPE CLEANERS THAT THE KIDS ARE GONNA GO CRAZY FOR.

WE'RE GETTING BACK TO BASICS THIS YEAR.
WE'RE STARTING OVER.
REMEMBER IT'S FAR BETTER TO GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE ANYWAY, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

IN TIMES LIKE THESE, BE HAPPY WITH WHAT YOU HAVE, AND BE GLAD THAT YOU'RE NOT HO-HO- HOMELESS.

REMEMBER, I'LL BE WATCHING......