"My intellect has taken a step backward since discovering The Daily Drivel" - Albert Einstein
" When I read it I begin to hate my fellow man. I want to hit something"- Mohandas Gandhi
"A complete abomination. We all weep at its very existence"- Abraham Lincoln
"I wouldn't begin my day without it. I've learned so much." - Lindsay Lohan

Monday, January 5, 2009

10 Year Old Girl From Taiwan Embodied With The Spirit Of Johnny Cash

Taipei, Taiwan- Ling Pul Pong, a 10 year old girl from Taiwan woke up one morning, got dressed in all black clothing and complained about the conditions of Folsom Prison. Ling, who never spoke a word of English before, now speaks in a gravelly southern snarl, frightening the rest of her family.
“We do not know what to do with Ling, she speaks a foreign language that we do not understand. We think it is English, but we are not sure. It is an uncomfortable time for our family,” said Ling’s mother, Shu Pei through a translator.
The family is baffled as to what has become of the once timid and respectful little girl that they have known, and has been replaced by a hard drinking, amphetamine popping embodiment of deceased music legend Johnny Cash.
Ling’s attitude and defiant behavior have upset her family, who to their own chagrin, enlisted the aid of several doctors and psychiatrists.

“I am quite amazed as to how this could have happened. I have observed her for over two weeks and if I didn’t know any better I would think that I was in the presence of Johnny Cash himself. When she enters the room each morning, she says in a deep baritone voice, ‘Hello, I’m Johnny Cash.’ She then pops a few pills, washes them down with a few long gulps of bourbon, and flips the table over because she doesn’t like the food selection. She then grabs a guitar and sings a beautiful rendition of “Cry, cry, cry”, or “Ring of fire”. It is truly fascinating,” said Dr. Yul Po Ting, a psychiatrist from Taipei.

“The spirit of this American country singer is restless, and feels that it has more work to do here on earth before it can move on. Why it chose the body of a 10 year old Taiwanese girl is a mystery. Maybe the spirit got confused and mistook Taiwan for Tennessee; Mr. Cash was not the greatest of spellers. In spiritual matters such as these, answers are not always logical,” said Bruce Kim, renowned psychic and author.
Ling’s family, which numbers thirteen, is feeling the financial pinch from her sudden and drastic change in lifestyle. The family lives and works on their own small farm outside Taipei, growing vegetables and flowers. Ling’s mother and older sisters sew their own blankets and clothing to ease the financial burden on the family, but Ling’s new wardrobe is putting a dent in the family’s already meager bank account. Black cowboy boots, jeans and shirts arrive daily from manufacturers in Texas; ironically none of the clothing is made in Taiwan.
“Our debt is growing larger by the day, our farm does not generate enough to cover the items that Ling Pul is buying. A $2,000 guitar was delivered yesterday, and five pairs of black boots arrived today from a man in a big brown truck. Ling Pul is bankrupting us,” said Chen Wu, Ling’s father.
The Pong family had never heard of companies such as UPS or Fedex before they started arriving daily at their farm. The walk in shed behind the house, which is usually used to store harvested vegetables, has been cleaned out to accommodate the enormous amount of musical and recording equipment ordered by Ling.
A club owner and small time music producer in Taiwan is very impressed with what he has heard from Ling, and thinks that with his help, they can make a small fortune together.
“Asian culture has always been fascinated with the music of the west, especially the period of the 1950’s through the 1970’s. The music of people like Elvis Presley, Chuck Berry, Buddy Holly, and even Johnny Cash are still extremely popular. I think that with my help the Pong family could become very wealthy. Time is of the essence, we don’t know how much longer this spirit will remain in Ling Pul,” said Quan “Fast Eddie” Woo.
“I already have an 83 year old man who sings Glen Campbell songs, and a set of conjoined twins who perform like the Captain and Tennille, so we can really put on some show. Ling Pul of course would be the headliner. I hope the Pong family will agree because with a show like that, we can take Asia by storm.” DD

No comments: