Tuesday, November 24, 2009
MOVIE REVIEW OF TWILIGHT: NEW MOON BY DRACULA AND THE WOLFMAN
DRACULA- Wolfman, let me ask you, has a woman ever been torn between us?
DRACULA- I don't actually mean physically torn, because you're right Wolfie, that's been done. No, no, my dear hairy friend, I meant in love with both of us at the same time. Do you recall that ever happening?
DRACULA- No, me neither.
DRACULA- Wait, you're right, there was that rather homely gypsy woman back in the 18th century, although I'm not fully convinced that that was a woman. Abnormally large hands and feet, and I could have sworn I bit into an Adam's apple. Blagh, she tasted worse than she looked. Were there any others?
DRACULA- No, no that one liked you, I couldn't get past first bite with that one, she did not find me charming in the least.
DRACULA- Kind of you to say, but no, no, I guess I just wasn't her type. She only had eyes for you, that one.
DRACULA- I'm bringing up "all that old sordid business" as you say because of that movie we just saw, 'New Moon'. I found it extremely unbelievable that's why. Have you ever in all your days seen vampires and werewolves that looked like that?
Do they look realistic to you? Because I couldn't believe what I was watching. I had to supress my laughter because initially I thought it was a comedy.
DRACULA- You did too. Oh good, so it wasn't just me. Whew, I feel better. I was lost halfway through and decided to drain the blood from the teenage girl sitting next to me. Thankfully most of the teenage girls in the theater were shrieking, no one seemed to notice.
DRACULA- Well excuse me, I get thirsty during these movies. What do you want from me? You're one to talk, you've been leaving your messes around for centuries.
DRACULA- Apology accepted.
DRACULA- I agree, these types of movies are not for us. I'm with you Wolfie, I will not waste my time on the them anymore. Hungry? Me too. Let's treat ourselves tonight and split a pair of twins.
DRACULA- Triplets you say. HA HA, you are hungry. Alright old friend after you.