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Monday, November 30, 2009


The addition of a Global Positioning System(GPS) device to one's vehicle is supposed to make driving easier, erasing human error and creating a stress free experience. Hal Evans expected such an experience when he purchased his GPS device two months ago, what he got however was anything but stress free.

"The first few days were a pleasure, an absolute pleasure. I do a lot of driving and not having to fumble with maps and directions was fantastic. The turn by turn directions spoken with a clear professional voice were perfect. Driving was a dream. Unfortunately the good times lasted less than a week. That's when the device slowly started to make my life miserable," proclaimed a dejected Evans.

According to Evans, after a few days of driving the voice started to change, saying things with an edgier, almost angry tone, tinged with sarcasm. Evans thought he was imagining it at first, until the voice blurted out some choice insults regarding his driving skills.

"I was cruising along listening to the radio, singing along to one of my favorite songs, 'Come on Eileen' by Dexy's Midnight Runners, and I missed the turn that I was supposed to make. No big deal, right? Wrong! I guess the device wasn't prepared for someone to disobey its orders and its tone suddenly changed. The volume got louder and it yelled 'Left turn! Left turn! Stupid idiot, you missed the freakin' left turn!' I laughed at first thinking it was a pretty funny built in gimmick, but I quickly realized it wasn't.

Evans's daily road trips became battles of will between the two combatants, as the GPS insulted his personal appearance (usually a pot shot about his thinning hair) or his inability to find or keep a girlfriend.

"I thought I had pretty thick skin when it came to personal insults, but this thing was ruthless and incredibly cruel. I can't even repeat some of the hurtful things it said about me. The final insult was when it got me arrested and I lost my job. That was truly the end of my hellish ordeal with this demonic device."

Evans was arrested in a section of downtown Detroit for soliciting a prostitute and subsequently lost his job as a pharmaceutical salesman. He claims the GPS purposely got him lost in a neighborhood known primarily for illegal drug sales and prostitution. The judge was not amused at Evans's excuse and subsequent blame of his GPS device and made an example of him, giving him six months of probation with a fine of $500, impounding his vehicle, and allowing his name and address to appear in numerous newspapers.

"I told the truth and no one believed me. That thing brought me to the worst possible neighborhood, I had no clue where I was. I pulled over to ask this woman for directions, and she turned out to be an undercover cop posing as a hooker. Before I could even ask her for directions, the GPS started blurting out things like, 'How much for a dirty sanchez?' and 'Get in the car, I want to pay you for sex'. Dirty sanchez? I don't even know what that means. The next thing I knew I was under arrest. What a nightmare. I made the mistake of telling it that I was getting rid of it. It got me first. It laughed at me as I was put in handcuffs. I'll never forget that evil laugh as long as I live." DD

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