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Tuesday, November 3, 2009


Central Florida- Lloyd Turnip Jr and his son Lloyd Turnip III decided to try and rekindle their strained relationship by having "a boy's night out". The father and son had been embroiled in a 6 month feud which began innocently enough when Lloyd the third insulted his dad's attempt at homemade tapioca pudding and slowly escalated from there to a hatchet fight in and around the family trailer, culminating with each Turnip bloodied, missing several fingers and toes.

"Them Turnips always been trouble, from the day they was hatched," said neighbor Ned Jupps, "trouble with a capital T. They killed my cats with a slingshot the day they moved in, and that's the best thing I can say about them filthy bastards."

The Turnips have, in recent weeks, slowly decided to end their feud, mostly at the urging of Lloyd Jr's ex-wife, Hattie Potts.

"I need those 2 to stay together and the hell away from me. They are 2 of the dumbest creatures to ever walk this good earth. They belong together. I tricked them by telling each one of them that the other was really sorry and had money for the other. Couple a idiots," said Hattie.

The celebratory night out for the Turnips turned ugly and violent almost immediately and ended with father and son locked up for numerous charges. Some of the charges include: Drunk & Disorderly Conduct, Resisting Arrest, Public Lewdness, Vandalism, Trespassing, Arson, Motor Vehicle Theft, DUI, Prostitution, Glue Sniffing and 15 other charges.

"We was just tryin' to have a good time is all," said Lloyd Jr, "shoot, people like to party in different ways. I sure as shit don't tell you folks how to have a good time, so don't be tellin' me and my boy how to. Us Turnips like to turn it up a notch or two, if you know what I mean."

The Turnip boys are likely to face several years behind bars for their conduct, as numerous small businesses and innocent bystanders try to recover from the damage the father and son caused.

"Well, what's done is done. Excuse the crap outta me for takin' my boy out on the town and tryin' to have a little joy in my life. It ain't easy competin' for a boy's attention with all these damn video games and stuff, but I'm tryin' my best" DD

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