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Sunday, January 31, 2010


Peoria, Il-    Betty Burke is livid with husband Al, whose public displays of clapping have become more and more annoying.

"This clap of his has finally pushed me to my limit. 30 years of it and I can't take it anymore. He always finishes three seconds after everyone else, to the point where people turn around and look at us. I'm mortified," said Betty Burke.

Al's latest awkward clap was last night at his grandson's music recital at the local high school. After each song, the audience politely applauded, but Burke's clapping went on a little too long, disturbing the musicians, and angering the crowd.

"I thought it was funny the first time, but it happened after each song. There were eight songs, by the fourth one I was ready to wring his scrawny neck," said  Arthur Yolmeyer, whose daughter was onstage playing the clarinet.

It seems Al Burke is clueless about his clapping, and didn't realize that he was bothering anyone.

"Gee whiz, I sure am sorry. I didn't know it was such a major issue. When I clap, I give it my all, and I don't want to stop. I'm showing my sincere appreciation to someone or something that I think deserves it. People stop when they want. I didn't know there was an appointed time to stop. Is there? Is there an exact science to how long a clap should last? Well, is there?   Your silence speaks volumes, and I will continue to clap until I deem it to be sufficient. Betty is just going to have to deal with it."

Mr. Burke applauded me right out his front door, and I heard him still clapping as I pulled out from in front of his house and drove up the block.     DD

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