AsK GaRy BuSeY
Dear Gary Busey: My boyfriend really wants us to move in together, but we've only been dating for three months. I think it's too soon, but I don't want to lose him. I really like him but I'm so confused. What should I do? Signed Confused (Sacramento, Ca)
Well Confused when I can't make a decision I close my eyes as tight as I can for about 45 minutes until it starts to hurt and I start to hallucinate. This usually results in some sort of cosmic intervention. Although, this hasn't always had the best results, like when I'm changing lanes on my motorcycle strung out on cocaine.
Dear Gary Busey: I often fantasize about being married to my husband's father and being my own mother in law. I feel so guilty every time it happens. My husband is a good man, but I just can't help dreaming about his father. Help! Signed Guilty (Detroit, MI)
Hey Guilty(this isn't my daughter in law writing this is it?) when I woke up after one of my self induced comas, I saw the grim reaper standing over me with his dark hood and scythe and said there is still work for you to do. That's why I still walk this planet. Maybe you will have the same type of vision.
Dear Gary Busey: In these tough economic times should I liquidate my stocks and put all my assets in CD's? Signed Puzzled Portfolio (Newport, RI)
Listen Puzzled, you have to free yourself spiritually of man's dilemma. I have a few acronyms which keep me on the right path. SAVE (Shangri-la Accepts Virtually Everyone), TIME (Total Immersion in Mediation is Excellent) and FAITH (Follow All Inca Tribal Habits) Learn them. Practice them. Live them.
Dear Gary Busey: If you have eight cookies and you eat three how many will I have? Signed Riddled (Seattle, WA)
Riddled, you are pushing the boundaries of my patience and disturbing my peaceful frame of mind. Every being has a limit of what it will accept and every lifeform has a degree of anger, which when broached, cannot be contained. I've been threatened before and when that line in the sand is drawn, and then walked over, the force of nature known to humans as Gary Busey will devastate all who oppose him. A maelstrom is coming and earth will never be the same.
(ALL QUESTIONS TO GARY BUSEY CAN BE SENT TO THE DAILY DRIVEL AND MAY OR MAY NOT BE ANSWERED DEPENDING ON HIS CURRENT STATE OF MIND.) DD
Dear Gary Busey: My boyfriend really wants us to move in together, but we've only been dating for three months. I think it's too soon, but I don't want to lose him. I really like him but I'm so confused. What should I do? Signed Confused (Sacramento, Ca)
Well Confused when I can't make a decision I close my eyes as tight as I can for about 45 minutes until it starts to hurt and I start to hallucinate. This usually results in some sort of cosmic intervention. Although, this hasn't always had the best results, like when I'm changing lanes on my motorcycle strung out on cocaine.
Dear Gary Busey: I often fantasize about being married to my husband's father and being my own mother in law. I feel so guilty every time it happens. My husband is a good man, but I just can't help dreaming about his father. Help! Signed Guilty (Detroit, MI)
Hey Guilty(this isn't my daughter in law writing this is it?) when I woke up after one of my self induced comas, I saw the grim reaper standing over me with his dark hood and scythe and said there is still work for you to do. That's why I still walk this planet. Maybe you will have the same type of vision.
Dear Gary Busey: In these tough economic times should I liquidate my stocks and put all my assets in CD's? Signed Puzzled Portfolio (Newport, RI)
Listen Puzzled, you have to free yourself spiritually of man's dilemma. I have a few acronyms which keep me on the right path. SAVE (Shangri-la Accepts Virtually Everyone), TIME (Total Immersion in Mediation is Excellent) and FAITH (Follow All Inca Tribal Habits) Learn them. Practice them. Live them.
Dear Gary Busey: If you have eight cookies and you eat three how many will I have? Signed Riddled (Seattle, WA)
Riddled, you are pushing the boundaries of my patience and disturbing my peaceful frame of mind. Every being has a limit of what it will accept and every lifeform has a degree of anger, which when broached, cannot be contained. I've been threatened before and when that line in the sand is drawn, and then walked over, the force of nature known to humans as Gary Busey will devastate all who oppose him. A maelstrom is coming and earth will never be the same.
(ALL QUESTIONS TO GARY BUSEY CAN BE SENT TO THE DAILY DRIVEL AND MAY OR MAY NOT BE ANSWERED DEPENDING ON HIS CURRENT STATE OF MIND.) DD
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