"My intellect has taken a step backward since discovering The Daily Drivel" - Albert Einstein
" When I read it I begin to hate my fellow man. I want to hit something"- Mohandas Gandhi
"A complete abomination. We all weep at its very existence"- Abraham Lincoln
"I wouldn't begin my day without it. I've learned so much." - Lindsay Lohan

Monday, December 8, 2008

Jimmy Carter Thanks George W. Bush For Replacing Him As Worst (Living) Ex-President

Washington- Jimmy Carter is thrilled and relieved by the 8 years George W. Bush has served as president. Carter who is thought of as not only the worst living ex-president, but also as one of the worst presidents in American history, is overjoyed to pass that title onto Bush.
At a recent luncheon in the nation’s capitol, Carter presided over an affair that was attended by President Bush, his father George HW Bush, Bill Clinton, and the body of Gerald Ford, whom no one seemed to know or remember had died in 2006.
“Maybe now everyone will forget my failed presidency, and focus on his terrible 8 years. I inherited a recession, he started one,” joked Carter, “and let’s not forget I didn’t bail anyone out with taxpayer dollars, not even the American hostages in Iran.”
Bush, whose approval rating is the lowest for a president in over fifty years, nodded and shrugged his shoulders as he took the good natured ribbing in stride.
“I still think that you were worse than me Jimmy. I think that history will be a lot kinder to my legacy than yours. I probably won’t be alive to see it, but I’m confident that in 50 or 60 years I will be remembered for my poise and leadership in times of crisis. But you, gosh almighty, I think the only nuts you possessed were grown on your farm,” said Bush slapping Carter on the back and winking at his dad,” those poor hostages would be speaking with an Iranian accent if Reagan hadn’t saved the day. And let’s not forget that whole gas fiasco, I think people are still waiting on those lines to buy gas from your miserable term in office.”
It seems to be a very close call as to which man will be remembered as having the worse presidency, but Carter has done some serious damage control to his legacy with all his charitable work since leaving office. His 2002 Nobel Peace Prize has redeemed his stature in the public eye, leading many historians to create a revisionist history, and painting Carter’s 4 years as president in a more favorable light.
“George, if you want to salvage your reputation, you’d better follow my example and grab a hammer and some nails and start building homes for the underprivileged. I’m actually a lousy carpenter, they have to re-do everything that I attempt, but it makes for a heck of a photo op. There is nothing nobler to the media than a rich old white guy getting his hands dirty trying to help out minorities. They eat it up,” said Carter.
Bush, whose final term is up in January when Barack Obama gets sworn in, is trying to enjoy his final weeks as President. He doesn’t seem to be fazed by all the negative publicity he’s received, and right now is just concentrating on his big move from the White House.
“Moving is such a hassle,” said the sitting duck Commander in Chief, “having to scrounge around for empty boxes behind the dumpster at the supermarket is a huge pain. I used to know a guy at Safeway who would save the good ones for me, but I believe that relationship might be strained. We haven’t spoken in over eight years. I haven’t had the need for boxes in awhile.
“We love Washington, and that house holds a lot of memories for us, a lot of memories. It’s not going to be easy for us to leave; Laura has done so much decorating and redecorating. I just hope the Obamas appreciate our sense of style and sensibilities and don’t start ripping up carpet and re-painting rooms. That would crush Laura.”
Carter, trying to bring the attention back on himself, made sure photographers noticed when he helped a Hispanic bus boy clean off the tables and brought the dirty dishes into the kitchen.
“I just want to help anyone who needs it, no matter the circumstances,” said Carter as he helped an elderly Asian woman on with her coat,” just as I did when I was president. My presidency wasn’t so bad now was it? You know that if a hurricane would have hit New Orleans when I was in office I would have been rebuilding the homes myself, the next day. You know that, right?”
The two men decided to call it a draw, vowing to let history be the judge of their terms in office.
“Hey, look at it this way,” said a jovial Bush,” nobody talks about Andrew Johnson or Warren G. Harding anymore. We were both a hell of a lot better than those two jokers. Time is on our side. Yes it is.” DD

No comments: