"My intellect has taken a step backward since discovering The Daily Drivel" - Albert Einstein
" When I read it I begin to hate my fellow man. I want to hit something"- Mohandas Gandhi
"A complete abomination. We all weep at its very existence"- Abraham Lincoln
"I wouldn't begin my day without it. I've learned so much." - Lindsay Lohan

Thursday, June 24, 2010



Well, it may only come once every four years, but I for one absolutely love the World Cup. The pride, the pageantry…and especially the parties, which give me the opportunity to break out some of my little used recipes from around the globe. If you’re looking to wow your friends and neighbors at your next World Cup-themed party, these are sure to be a hit.

This year’s tournament is being held in South Africa, and six different countries from that culinary goldmine of a continent are represented. Rest assured, your friends from Cameroon and Cote d’Ivoire will go ballistic for the following, which is my interpretation of a Cameroonian classic:

CURRIED ZEBRA   (serves 8-10 as an appetizer)
2 pounds boneless zebra meat, cubed Juice of 2 limes

2-3 tablespoons Serengeti Seasoning 1 cup Medjool dates, pitted

¼ cup vegetable oil 2 tablespoons chopped parsley

2 tablespoons each minced garlic and ginger Salt and pepper, to taste

½ cup monkey urine vinegar

2 heaping tablespoons brown sugar

Toss the meat with the Seasoning and let marinate, at least 4 hours but preferably overnight. Heat the oil in a large earthenware pot over high heat until shimmering, and then brown the meat on all sides, in batches if necessary, and remove. Add the garlic and ginger, and saute for one minute. Deglaze the pot with the monkey urine vinegar, and bring to a boil. Add the meat back to the pot, along with the brown sugar, lime juice, and dates, and simmer over medium heat for approximately 14 hours, until the meat is tender. Garnish with chopped parsley, and check for seasoning. Serve immediately. I SAID IMMEDIATELY !

Those of you going for more of a European flair would do well to serve up a heaping bowl of this Sloth Stew to your Slovenian and Slovakian comrades:

SLOTH STEW   (serves 12)

2 Slovenian tree sloths, 8-10 pounds each (preferably live) 2 cups cubed potatoes

3 tablespoons Romanian Rub 1 quart Dalmatian’s milk

½ cup vegetable oil ¼ cup chopped parsley

1 large red onion, thinly sliced Salt and pepper, to taste

½ large fennel bulb, thinly sliced

If using live sloths, promptly kill them with either a gunshot to the head, or by clamping jumper cables onto their nipples and hooking them up to a car battery (although they may continue to scream and twitch, you can be sure they are dead now). Working quickly, skin and debone the sloths; dice the meat into ½ inch cubes, toss with the Rub, and marinate for at least 4 hours, or preferably overnight. While the meat is marinating, place the bones, viscera, and severed head in a large stock pot, cover with cold water, and bring to a boil. Simmer the sloth broth for 3-4 hours, skimming any scum that rises to the top. Strain the broth and set aside; you’ll need 6-8 cups for the stew (any leftover broth can be frozen). Heat the oil in your largest Dutch oven over high heat until shimmering, and then add the meat, in batches if necessary, browning on all sides. When meat is browned, move to a platter and set aside. Add the sliced onion and fennel, and sauté for 2-3 minutes, until just beginning to brown. Add the potatoes and Dalmatian’s milk, bring to a boil, then reduce the heat to low and simmer for approximately 3 ½ days, until meat is tender. Garnish with chopped parsley, and check for seasoning. Serve immediately. DON’T MAKE ME TELL YOU AGAIN!!!

Both of these dishes keep well, and are excellent reheated a few days later, but you know my motto: “With dishes this delicious, leftovers are suspicious.” Don’t miss my next installment, when I’ll show you how to liven up your 4th of July bash with my world famous Feral Cat Fricassee. Bon Appetit!!!


Anonymous said...

this is genius! Brb, sloth stew.

Anonymous said...

What is wrong with whoever made this?! That is disgusting and cruel! You are one sick person!! And this is definitely not funny.

Anonymous said...

Omg wtf is ur problem . ? Do u have mental isses or something. why would u even do somthing to such a cute animal. i hope someone makes a stew out of u,

Anonymous said...

DISGUSTING! You people are sick in the head and need to get hit by a car and yes, I agree with you being made into a stew. I hope this website or this blog with such obscenities gets removed.