TIRED OF BEING HATED, MONDAY DEMANDS A SWITCH WITH FRIDAY

Everybody hates Monday and Monday is well aware of it. It's tired of being the most dreaded day of the week, and to prove just how fed up,  it hired a top notch law firm to represent it.

"I am sick and tired of all the negativity that surrounds me. It's so unfair, so, so, unfair," said a visibly upset Monday through sobs and gasps.

The most popular day of the week is Saturday (39%), followed closely by Friday (35%), and then Sunday (18%) rounding out the top 3. The rest of the days then drop off severely after that, with Thursday (5%) a distant 4th, followed by Wednesday (2%) and Tuesday (1%).
Monday is barely a blip on the radar when it comes to popular days of the week, and in fact wouldn't even be a blip without Monday night football. Monday's legal team wants to change this miserable perception of their client.

"Monday has been wronged, and this is our chance to fix it. Monday is not a bad day. Not a bad day at all. Several Holidays fall on Monday, like Memorial Day and Labor Day, and every 7 years or so it also gets Christmas and New Year's Day. And yet, even with that, people still loathe my client. What does this poor day have to do to appease you people?" said M. Mark Isenblatt, attorney for Monday.

Monday's reputation has seriously affected its confidence and is considering dropping out of the 7 day rotation all together unless some immediate changes are made.

"Everyone hates me, well, I hate Friday. How about that? Saturday can also go to hell. Those two have it easy. Two smug little jerks if you ask me. But then again nobody asks me do they? I'm the loathsome day that everyone despises. Well guess what, I like me. My mother likes me. Even Tuesday likes me, but that's probably not a good defense, because without me Tuesday would be public enemy #1 instead of me. But, I'll take it anyway because the list of my supporters is very short," said a dejected Monday.

U S Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, feels that the case has some validity, but would hate to see Monday go through a long, drawn out, well publicized trial.

"I happen to be a big fan of Monday, I enjoy my work and look forward to Monday. You may roll your eyes at that, but I'm not alone. I'd hate to see Monday go through a televised trial, where many of Monday's skeletons will be dragged out of the closet and put on public display. It could get ugly, and I personally, do not want to see it, or have to render a verdict on it. Hopefully, a concession can be reached, so that Monday can retain a modicum of dignity. Perhaps offering to name a restaurant chain after it, TGIM. That sounds like a good start," said Ginsburg.

We have to wait to find out the fate of Monday, but for now, it will have to keep its chin up and lead off the work week, whether it likes it or not.

"Maybe we can move Friday's happy hour to me, and then Tuesday will be as hated as I am. Something must be done, I can't go on like this!" said Monday.

DD (Laszlo Ferrar reporting)