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Friday, November 7, 2008

Elderly Customers Complain Of Treatment At Robert DeNiro’s Garage Sale

Greenwich, CT- Early bargain hunters to a garage sale were greeted with warning signs and very low tolerance from the homeowner, actor Robert DeNiro. Signs galore adorned the driveway and garage, warning potential physical harm if they “got out of line”. Signs warned, “Early Birds will catch a beating!”, “Any haggling over price and you get tossed!” Another, written in red magic marker, had this warning, “Sticky fingers are easily broken.”
The sale was advertised in the local paper to start at 9 am, several “early birds” started up the driveway at 8:30 and were soaked by DeNiro and his garden hose.
“They knew full well that the garage sale started at 9. What can I say? I was hosing down the driveway of any debris before we started. They shouldn’t have been on the premises before the allotted time.”
“These are not the conditions we are used to when we go to garage sales,” said a dripping wet Helen Bykowski, a 77 year old retired bank teller, “we like to come early, look around and try to make deals, that’s part of the fun of it.”
Bykowski was especially upset when her husband Barney was asked to leave the property when he asked if the Operation game contained all the pieces.
“It’s a legitimate question to ask, there are a lot of little pieces in that game that easily get lost. How dare he treat my husband that way! I don’t care whose house it is,” said an outraged Bykowski.
The sale consisted of several folding tables containing old books, worn clothes, used games, and hand knitted pot holders by DeNiro himself. Many shoppers were disappointed not to find any movie memorabilia from the actor’s numerous films.
“When we found out it was DeNiro’s house, we really expected some amazing items. I can’t believe it’s just the same crap you would find at any other garage sale. Somebody’s old, used and usually broken junk. Very disappointing,” said Walter Havemeyer, a retired bus driver,” I have worthless crap like this in my own garage.”
An elderly woman who started dancing side to side asked DeNiro if she could use a bathroom in an emergency, who responded, “Absolutely not”, and told her there was an Arby’s about 5 miles down the road. When she reiterated that it was an emergency and that she wouldn’t make it, DeNiro frowned, shrugged and said, “I gave you my answer, now I have to turn my back on you,” as he threw his hands in the air and turned to sell an old bicycle missing the pedals.
DeNiro shut the sale down for a full hour while he sat on his stoop and had his lunch, which consisted of an eggplant and fresh mozzarella sandwich, 2 bottles of root beer, a bag of funions, and a couple of chocodiles.
“This is outrageous,” said Lottie Scheuer,” he has no one to cover for him while he takes a break, and we have to stand around watching him eat his lunch .Every time someone approaches him he shoos them away saying, ‘don’t bother me until I’m finished with my meal.’ Not only is that not proper garage sale etiquette, it is downright rude.”
Dorothy Rositzke, who considers herself an expert on garage sales, declared this to be one of the worst she had ever attended.
“I’ve been coming to these things for over fifty years, and this is quite possibly the worst. No jewelry, costume or otherwise. No collectibles whatsoever, not even any baby items that I could pick up for my granddaughter. It’s ridiculous! I don’t know why he bothered to hold the sale at all. Everything being sold is broken or missing pieces, and he won’t budge on his prices. What a colossal waste of everyone’s time.”
DeNiro started cleaning up at exactly 4pm and told the half dozen people still looking at his items to “beat it”, and started unraveling his garden hose.
“All in all, I think it went well,” said DeNiro, who said all $18.75 made for the day would be donated to charity, “I normally don’t have much patience for elderly people, but I think I was on my best behavior today. It’s all for a good cause, I look forward to next year.” DD

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