"My intellect has taken a step backward since discovering The Daily Drivel" - Albert Einstein
" When I read it I begin to hate my fellow man. I want to hit something"- Mohandas Gandhi
"A complete abomination. We all weep at its very existence"- Abraham Lincoln
"I wouldn't begin my day without it. I've learned so much." - Lindsay Lohan

Monday, November 17, 2008

Mike Tyson’s Latest Facial Tattoo is Little Miss Muffet

While in prison several years ago, former heavy weight boxing champ Mike Tyson got tattoos on his body of former communist leader of the People’s Republic of China, Mao Zedong and late tennis great Arthur Ashe. The idea for the tattoos came to him after reading books about both men. They were the best books that Tyson had ever read, and in fact, were the only books he had ever read. Now, years later, Tyson has just finished reading a third book, and was so enamored of it, as he was with the first two, that he has decided more tattoos were in order.
The recently finished book was ‘Mother Goose and Other Nursery Rhymes’ and Tyson couldn’t wait to get over to the local tattoo parlor. He had the old woman who lived in a shoe etched onto his back, Humpty Dumpty on his stomach, and Little Miss Muffet on his face. Miss Muffet is now sitting with her bowl of curds and whey below Tyson’s right cheek bone, and that irksome spider is dropping down from above his right eyebrow.
“Wow, what a book. It really reached out to me. I’d never read anything like it before. There’s serious stuff and funny stuff and even some scary stuff. The stories, the characters, I felt for them, especially that poor Miss Muffet. I really identified with her the most. I’m Miss Muffet and the rest of the world is that stupid spider trying to ruin my oatmeal,” said Tyson.
Tyson has been expressing himself more and more through tattoos since his stint in prison. A few years ago he adorned his face with a Maori tribal tattoo. No one seems to know why; perhaps he was up late one night watching the National Geographic Channel or possibly a movie from New Zealand. Now he has welcomed the world of nursery rhymes onto his body, and he doesn’t have plans of stopping any time soon.
“I want a tattoo for each story I read from that great book. I hope I don’t run out of room.”
Tyson’s latest obsession seems to have overtaken his life and when boxing, his finances or his future are mentioned, he quickly changes the conversation to that amazing cow that jumped over the moon or that kind old Mother Hubbard. His personal manager and close friends don’t seem to think that anything is wrong with Tyson’s behavior, as long as he has enough money lying around to keep them comfortable.
“Nah, Mike, he alright,” said "friend" Tre “Sooky” Williams,” he got his shit together. He cool. He expressing himself, that’s all. He just bought me a Rolex, so whatever he wants to do is cool with me. He can put Barney on his ass for all I care.”
HBO Boxing analyst, Jim Lampley, just shakes his head when the former champ is mentioned. “The former “baddest man on the planet” is a shell of his former self and his roller coaster life is begging for a major biography written about it. Maybe after it is written, as it inevitably will, he will be so moved after reading it that he will get a tattoo of himself getting a tattoo.” DD

No comments: