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Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Local Man Upsets Neighborhood Children By Giving Them Several Weeks Worth Of Leftovers As Halloween Treats

Hicksville,NY- Gary Fisher was not very popular on Halloween this year when he decided to empty the contents of his refrigerator into the bags of the children that came to his door. Children ran home screaming to their befuddled parents, as the candy at the bottom of their Halloween bags was covered in stir fry chicken and old spaghetti.
"My daughter came running home in tears. She was so upset that she couldn't speak, she just pointed to her Halloween bag," said Karen Collins, "when I looked inside I was disgusted, it looked like someone had thrown up in the bag. I poured the whole thing into the garbage, and a terrible smell came out of the bag. It looked like old chili, but I'm not quite sure."
Fisher, who lives alone, doesn't understand why his Halloween "treats" have caused such an outcry, and was confused when several dozen parents protested outside his house.
"Listen," said Fisher, "I don't know what all the commotion is about. I buy my meat from a top-notch butcher, not a supermarket, that's all good quality food those kids got. At least it was when I had it a few weeks ago. The beef goulash was exactly the way my grandmother made it, I really enjoyed that last Thursday. I even gave that one boy a few dollops of sour cream to compliment it. What would they rather have, another boring Milky Way?"
"My twins came home covered in mashed potatoes and gravy. My wife was furious, she hand made those costumes from felt and cotton balls, and they're completely ruined. Some wacko put roast beef and mashed potatoes into their trick or treat bags and then poured warm gravy all over everything. Who does this?" said an irate Stan Kaplan.
The Nassau County police were called by one of the parents who wanted Fisher arrested. The police questioned him as to his motives, and were convinced that his intentions were not malicious.
"Bad judgment perhaps, but no harm intended. We warned him to cease and desist immediately and he agreed to comply. He is actually a darn good cook. My partner and I tasted the curried lamb and couscous that he made two nights ago, and it was delicious. The curry was just right, not overpowering. I asked him for his recipe, my wife would love it," said officer Vitale.
Fisher offered a sarcastic apology to those gathered on his front lawn, as the police asked everyone to disperse.
"Well, I guess that's the last time I try and do something nice for these people. I love to cook and I hate to see anything go to waste. Is that a crime? Do I have to remind them of that tired old cliche about the children starving in Africa? I guess next year I'll be like everyone else and grab a mega size bag of Kit Kats from the Price Club."
When told that Thanksgiving was less than a month away, and that his cooking skills could be used by numerous churches and soup kitchens, Fisher replied, "Turkey is so boring, anyone can make a turkey. Where's the challenge in that?" DD

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